I will be posting notes written on Facebook long before I created a blog. This is an effort to show you guys how things used to be. You can't know where you're going before you know where you've been, right?
April 22, 2012
Okay, so I do not do this very often. You will not see me constantly posting “FML” statuses, or complaining about my life with any consistency. Things have just been bothering me so much lately, and I feel like I need to vent.
I went into Wal-Mart the other day to buy diapers, and the cashier commented on the fact that I buy a lot of diapers. I told her that I have three kiddos in diapers at home, and she asked the ages of my children. I told her Ali was 4 and has autism. She said, “Really? My nephew has autism and he was potty trained at three. Maybe you’re not trying hard enough.” EXCUSE ME?! Come on! I am constantly trying new tactics on how to potty train my son. It is a daily struggle to even get him to let me know that he’s hungry! (He just screams and cries at a certain time every day to let me know that he’s hungry.) Do not tell me that I am not trying hard enough. I bust my ass every single day to make sure that he is taken care of. He is given every opportunity in the world to let me know what he wants/needs. You are not the foremost expert on autism because you know OF someone who has autism. Yes, I know your brother’s wife’s cousin’s sister’s mom’s stepdaughter twice removed has autism. That does NOT mean you know exactly what my son’s autism looks like. That is like assuming that you know all about how to fix a car because you watched “Pimp My Ride” one time ten years ago. Not. The. Same. I was rude to the cashier, and, looking back, I really shouldn’t have been. It is my job to explain things like this to people. I cannot complain about their ignorance if they have never been taught that they are ignorant!
Also, a lot of people think that "retardation" (In quotes because it is an ugly term) and having autism are one and the same. I, myself was guilty of this. They are very different. "Retardation" is categorized as having an IQ below 70, among many, many other traits (I am not going to claim to know a whole lot about it. I am not an expert). Autistic people can have a very high IQ, but they have difficulty in social situations. Expressing their needs/wants/emotions can be an extremely overwhelming task. And, no, not every autistic person can’t speak. Ali also has Speech and Language Disorder. If "retardation" were the case with my Ali, I would STILL love him unconditionally.
Also, I’ve seen many people stare at my son when we are out in public. You may look, but please have the decency to not STARE. I am not staring at you. Yes, he flaps his hands when he is happy, hits his chin with his fist when he is excited, and folds his ears over when he is nervous and unsure. I am totally aware of this. I am also aware of the fact that his behavior is not hurting you or affecting you in any way. It’s a shame that your mother never taught you manners.
That’s another thing. I have never been in this situation myself (God help us all on the day that it will inevitably happen), but if you whisper, “If that were MY child…” know that you’re what I would regard as the scum of the earth. If he were YOUR child, he would not be having a meltdown, is that it? Do you realize that public places, take the grocery store for example, are so overwhelming for him because everything is intensified for Ali? Imagine you have the world’s worst migraine. Lights are too bright, sounds are too loud, and even light touch can be excruciatingly painful. Now, imagine that you feel that way EVERY DAY. That is my son’s life with autism. My job is to turn down the volume. So, yes, if he were YOUR child, he would be in big trouble. Why? Because obviously you do not have the capacity to understand or help a child like Ali. Thank God He blessed me with my amazing gift of a son instead of you. Do not assume that because he cannot speak that he has nothing to say or that his silence is because he has no opinions on your topic of choice. He is crazy brilliant, such an amazing little guy that it astounds me daily. His problem solving (or making haha) skills far outweigh any other kiddo that I know of, and he is unable to speak.
Lately, I have been feeling very guilty. I have been trying to have Ali do all of the “normal” kid stuff. Like trick-or-treating last year. He went because I felt like he’d be missing out if he didn’t. He had a ridiculously huge meltdown every time he had to get back in the car. I mean a kicking-screaming-biting-hitting-crying mess of a meltdown. I wasn’t thinking about what would be best, easiest, and most enjoyable for HIM. I just wanted him to feel “normal.” But what I am beginning to understand is that he is never going to fit into my cookie-cutter mold for him. AND THAT IS PERFECTLY OKAY. I don’t want to make him do the things that society thinks he should do(or shouldn’t do) just because. If he doesn’t want to go trick-or-treating, we won’t go. If he wants to live as a “color outside the lines” type of kid, my job is to give him a loving and caring environment in which to grow in the direction he chooses. I am no longer going to push my own agenda onto him because it’s what other children his age do. I will urge change and growth, not “normalcy.”
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